February 10, 2011

MURDER MYSTERY ( TRUE STORY)


   

For those who have served on a jury...this one is something to think about. Just when you think you have heard everything!!

Do you like to read a good murder mystery?  Not even Law and Order would attempt to capture this mess. This is an

unbelievable twist of fate!!!!

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, (AAFS) President,

Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a

bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23,1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and

concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped

from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.

He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past

the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a

window, which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been

installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and

that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had

planned.

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by

an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was

threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the

trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window,

striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one

is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.'

When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both

adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old

man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded

shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr.

Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally

loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son

loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It

transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the

son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly,

loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder

even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of

murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist....

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus.

He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to

engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building

on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth

story window.

The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.. So the medical

examiner closed the case as a suicide.

A true story from Associated Press

LONGEVITY CAJUN STYLE

 

Boudreaux, an 80-year-old South Louisiana Cajun, goes to the doctor for his every year check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is in and asks, "How you stay in such great physical condition, Boudreaux?"

"I stay in the swamp and I hunt and fish every day" says the old Cajun, and, that's why I'm in such good shape. "I'm up well before daylight and out hunting or fishing all day. I have a beer for breakfast and at lunch and wid my supper. And I have a shot of houch before bed time. And I say my prayers every night. And all is well wid me"

"Well", says the doctor, "I'm sure those prayers help, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"

"Who said Pop is dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive? How old he is?"

"Pop be 100 next month," say Boudreaux. "In fact, he hunted with me this morning, and then we went to a "beer joint" for a while and had a few beers and that's why he's still alive. He's a tough Cajun man And he hunts and fishes every day, too.

"Well, the doctor says, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my Paw Paw's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old, your father is 100 and your grandfather's still living? Incredible! How old he is?"

"We tink 'bout 118." says the old Cajun. He likes his beer too, but he wont touch the hard stuff."

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess your grandfather went hunting and fishing with you'll this morning too?"

"No, Paw Paw couldn't go this time. He's getting married today." At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married! Why would a 118-year-old man want to get married?"

Boudreaux looked down at the floor and mumbled "Who said he wanted to?"

February 4, 2011

IS SEX WORK



A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel
decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"
A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%.
A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the enlisted man.

JUST A GOOD STORY

ANOTHER QUICK READ FOR THOSE WHO WANT A LAUGH !!!

-

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/old<br />                                  rancher.jpgcouple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here... these coyotes ain't f'ing our sheep... they're eatin' 'em!" The meeting never really got back to order. . . =

February 2, 2011

EAR INFECTION

This is so true! They  always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong  and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. 


I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.


A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.


The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'


'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.


The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '


'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.


The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'


The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.


The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'


'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.


The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'


'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.


The waiting room erupted in laughter...

Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!!

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